i have the entries in my journal but i'm behind.
i'm working a photo shoot all weekend so i'll get caught up and posted as soon as i can.
thanks so much for your patience. :)
Friday, July 16, 2010
Saturday, July 10, 2010
as your voice fades. [186]
somebody, please, tell me
what am i suppose to do?
you've died and i'm here
thinking that i hear your voice
but it's somebody else
it's always somebody else
why did you die?
don't leave me, please
i beg You, God, tonight bring me peace
i'll never sleep without
the dreams of you alive here with me
alive here with me
the brightness left your eyes
as i held your face
don't tell me, "it's the right time."
and your last words will sustain me
until my end
until I see you again
while words (your life) evade me (but a moment)
i'll wait to (i'll cling to) remember you (forever)
and what you had (your words) meant to me (on my blood)
could never be forgotten
the chains (why) of death (don't take)
are falling (away), but my heart still bleeds
it longs for (why) the day (did you die)
when we will be as one, one, one
as your voice fades by emery.
plain and simple, this song reminds me of my dad. every inch of it.
what am i suppose to do?
you've died and i'm here
thinking that i hear your voice
but it's somebody else
it's always somebody else
why did you die?
don't leave me, please
i beg You, God, tonight bring me peace
i'll never sleep without
the dreams of you alive here with me
alive here with me
the brightness left your eyes
as i held your face
don't tell me, "it's the right time."
and your last words will sustain me
until my end
until I see you again
while words (your life) evade me (but a moment)
i'll wait to (i'll cling to) remember you (forever)
and what you had (your words) meant to me (on my blood)
could never be forgotten
the chains (why) of death (don't take)
are falling (away), but my heart still bleeds
it longs for (why) the day (did you die)
when we will be as one, one, one
as your voice fades by emery.
plain and simple, this song reminds me of my dad. every inch of it.
the widow. [185]
dead man, were you ever alive or was i just a seed
buried deep inside some woman you wed?
right before you crawled out of her bed
and crept down the hall.
did you think of me?
did you even for a second hesitate in the doorway?
it's just something that i’d like to know
though i’d still love you if you told me, that you just walked away
my God, what a world You love.
men bury their sons
and without thought
just walk away
and my mother’s heart breaks like the water inside of her
and my mother’s heart breaks like the water inside of her
dead man, is it being high that makes you alive?
it makes you leave behind three boys and a wife in ‘89
and as the track marks inched their way up your arms
ay mother taught my brothers and i not to call you daddy,
but to call you father.
and i believe there is something here to be learned of grace
'cause i can't help but love you,
no, i can't help but love you,
even with a heart that breaks
like the promises that you made
‘cause i can't help but love you
my God, what a world You love.
as cities burn - the widow.
for some reason, this reminds me of my life but it has nothing to do with my life. but when i hear this song. sing this song. feel this song. it's as if my life, my soul, my heart, my pain is exuding from the cracks. that this is somehow my story. somehow, he finds grace for his estranged father and somehow, i find grace for those who hurt me. for some reason grace comes easy for me. for some reason, i see the hurt in this world and still believe it can be healed.
buried deep inside some woman you wed?
right before you crawled out of her bed
and crept down the hall.
did you think of me?
did you even for a second hesitate in the doorway?
it's just something that i’d like to know
though i’d still love you if you told me, that you just walked away
my God, what a world You love.
men bury their sons
and without thought
just walk away
and my mother’s heart breaks like the water inside of her
and my mother’s heart breaks like the water inside of her
dead man, is it being high that makes you alive?
it makes you leave behind three boys and a wife in ‘89
and as the track marks inched their way up your arms
ay mother taught my brothers and i not to call you daddy,
but to call you father.
and i believe there is something here to be learned of grace
'cause i can't help but love you,
no, i can't help but love you,
even with a heart that breaks
like the promises that you made
‘cause i can't help but love you
my God, what a world You love.
as cities burn - the widow.
for some reason, this reminds me of my life but it has nothing to do with my life. but when i hear this song. sing this song. feel this song. it's as if my life, my soul, my heart, my pain is exuding from the cracks. that this is somehow my story. somehow, he finds grace for his estranged father and somehow, i find grace for those who hurt me. for some reason grace comes easy for me. for some reason, i see the hurt in this world and still believe it can be healed.
the hardest part. [184]
my heart is hard.
i don't feel like writing.
i don't feel like people reading.
but i don't want to be alone.
being alone is a funny thing. the moments when we need someone, we're alone. the moments we need silence, solitude, we're surrounded by people and noise.
or that feeling of being alone in a crowded room. or being alone when surrounded by loved ones.
my heart, it's alone. it's been neglected. despite the fact i want companionship. i'm too lazy to do the right thing.
oh God, where is justice in letting me live?
i don't feel like writing.
i don't feel like people reading.
but i don't want to be alone.
being alone is a funny thing. the moments when we need someone, we're alone. the moments we need silence, solitude, we're surrounded by people and noise.
or that feeling of being alone in a crowded room. or being alone when surrounded by loved ones.
my heart, it's alone. it's been neglected. despite the fact i want companionship. i'm too lazy to do the right thing.
oh God, where is justice in letting me live?
Sunday, July 4, 2010
conviction. [183]
i have so many convictions. so many thoughts.
they come out better in conversation.
i feel distant from everything in life. it's making me physically sick.
dear God, bring me closer to You. closer to everything. closer to the heart of this world. bring any sort of pure passion. make me whole again. fill the gaping hole in my soul. only You can. bring tears to my eyes. God, let me lay everything out before You. my life. my love. my heart. my soul. my everything. help me make it Yours. i can't do it on my own. everything's falling apart. i have no where to turn. i've left the only one who's truly loved me for every inch of my being. Lord, i'm coming home. coming back. slowly but surely, i'm coming back to You. let me find my love in You. heal this black heart and make it new.
amen.
they come out better in conversation.
i feel distant from everything in life. it's making me physically sick.
dear God, bring me closer to You. closer to everything. closer to the heart of this world. bring any sort of pure passion. make me whole again. fill the gaping hole in my soul. only You can. bring tears to my eyes. God, let me lay everything out before You. my life. my love. my heart. my soul. my everything. help me make it Yours. i can't do it on my own. everything's falling apart. i have no where to turn. i've left the only one who's truly loved me for every inch of my being. Lord, i'm coming home. coming back. slowly but surely, i'm coming back to You. let me find my love in You. heal this black heart and make it new.
amen.
Thursday, July 1, 2010
i miss you. [182]
"if you miss someone then you love them." - my 5 year old nephew. profound.
children have almost a clear view to this world. it's surprising.
no wonder Jesus says we need to have hearts and faith like children.
Luke 18:15-17
People were also bringing babies to Jesus to have him touch them. When the disciples saw this, they rebuked them. But Jesus called the children to him and said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it."
children have almost a clear view to this world. it's surprising.
no wonder Jesus says we need to have hearts and faith like children.
Luke 18:15-17
People were also bringing babies to Jesus to have him touch them. When the disciples saw this, they rebuked them. But Jesus called the children to him and said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it."
wormholes. [181]
also known as "the scarlet worm"
“Come now, and let us reason together,”
Says the LORD,
“ Though your sins are like scarlet,
They shall be as white as snow;
Though they are red like crimson,
They shall be as wool. "
-Isaiah 1:18
So, I read this scripture yesterday during my devotion time and God showed me a few reeaallly cool things. So cool that I kinda felt the need to tell every person I came in contact with :) I would also like to share what I found with you all, so please bare with me haha.
The face value of this verse in and of itself is enough to make me want to dance!
- God begins his statement by inviting us to come and reason with him. He doesn't demand or mandate, rather pleads with us to come into conversation and relationship with him.
- God wants to (and will) take away the sin that has plagued and stained our lives and transform us into his pure and spotless bride!
But as I began to study this scripture a little more in depth, I found out that there is so much more to this statement then I ever knew.
When God says that our sin are as "scarlet" he means to communicate more than the idea of color.
-The word scarlet in Hebrew is actually shaniy. Literally, this word refers not only to the crimson color associated with blood, but a small insect commonly known as the "scarlet worm"
its a worm, big deal. right?
wrong.
let me teach you a little something about this little worm.
- When the female scarlet worm was ready to give birth to her young, she would find a tree and attach herself so firmly and permanently that she would never again be able to leave.
- Here, she would lay her eggs and they were protected until the larvae grew and were ready to enter their own life cycle.
- As her young grew, she died. And as she died, her body would secrete a scarlet fluid, covering her body, the tree, and her children.
In Psalm 22:6 Jesus says this:
"But I am a worm, and no man; a reproach of man and despised of the people"
- Jesus entered this world in a human body, knowing that he would not be able to leave. He limited himself to our restrictions, stepping from the heavens into time.
- Jesus loved, taught, healed and saved as he trained up his disciples, all the while on his path to the cross.
- Jesus was nailed to a tree and gave his life so that his children would live. His blood flowed, covering the cross, covering his body, covering his children, and covering our sin.
I am in awe of the love of God.
How it streches and reaches and fights for its children.
How it is evident in every scripture, in every move of God, and even in nature.
How it acted first.
How it never fails.
How it casts out all my fear.
How it laid its perfect life down so that a worm like me could make the transformation into his beautiful child.
Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
By: Erika Opalecky
“Come now, and let us reason together,”
Says the LORD,
“ Though your sins are like scarlet,
They shall be as white as snow;
Though they are red like crimson,
They shall be as wool. "
-Isaiah 1:18
So, I read this scripture yesterday during my devotion time and God showed me a few reeaallly cool things. So cool that I kinda felt the need to tell every person I came in contact with :) I would also like to share what I found with you all, so please bare with me haha.
The face value of this verse in and of itself is enough to make me want to dance!
- God begins his statement by inviting us to come and reason with him. He doesn't demand or mandate, rather pleads with us to come into conversation and relationship with him.
- God wants to (and will) take away the sin that has plagued and stained our lives and transform us into his pure and spotless bride!
But as I began to study this scripture a little more in depth, I found out that there is so much more to this statement then I ever knew.
When God says that our sin are as "scarlet" he means to communicate more than the idea of color.
-The word scarlet in Hebrew is actually shaniy. Literally, this word refers not only to the crimson color associated with blood, but a small insect commonly known as the "scarlet worm"
its a worm, big deal. right?
wrong.
let me teach you a little something about this little worm.
- When the female scarlet worm was ready to give birth to her young, she would find a tree and attach herself so firmly and permanently that she would never again be able to leave.
- Here, she would lay her eggs and they were protected until the larvae grew and were ready to enter their own life cycle.
- As her young grew, she died. And as she died, her body would secrete a scarlet fluid, covering her body, the tree, and her children.
In Psalm 22:6 Jesus says this:
"But I am a worm, and no man; a reproach of man and despised of the people"
- Jesus entered this world in a human body, knowing that he would not be able to leave. He limited himself to our restrictions, stepping from the heavens into time.
- Jesus loved, taught, healed and saved as he trained up his disciples, all the while on his path to the cross.
- Jesus was nailed to a tree and gave his life so that his children would live. His blood flowed, covering the cross, covering his body, covering his children, and covering our sin.
I am in awe of the love of God.
How it streches and reaches and fights for its children.
How it is evident in every scripture, in every move of God, and even in nature.
How it acted first.
How it never fails.
How it casts out all my fear.
How it laid its perfect life down so that a worm like me could make the transformation into his beautiful child.
Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
By: Erika Opalecky
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